1/ (If single) Why am I single? When will I meet someone I want to be with? Am I sleeping with too many men? Why are most of them completely shit? WHY WON’T MY MOTHER STOP ASKING ABOUT IT? (If with someone) Where is this going? Is he the right one? Should we be moving in together – all our friends are…? (If living together) When should we get married? Should we get married? Is this the person I plan on spending the rest of my life with? Is this the man I want to father my children (see 6)? WHY WON’T MY MOTHER STOP ASKING ABOUT IT? Ad nauseam, dependent on relationship status
2/ Money, in general, and specifically, how we’re meant to have a decent savings account when we’re spending 50% of our income on rent.
3/ The fact that we’re renting and that it takes up 50% of our income. That we’ll never be able to afford to buy our own houses.
4/ My knees hurt. Why do my knees hurt? Should they hurt? Surely I’ve got about 20 years left before they go kaput?
5/ Pensions. I should probably have one.
6/ Children. I don’t want one now, but should I? When should I be thinking about wanting one? Will I be able to have one (assuming I do want it) when I’m in my thirties? Is my fertility dropping off a cliff as I sit here and watch Fresh Meat? Should I be freezing my eggs? Is it ok to admit I don’t even like children?
7/ Should I be using eye cream? I should be using eye cream, shouldn’t I?
8/ Why haven’t I mastered blowdrying my hair by now? Why can all the other women in the gym do the thing with the big round brush when I have to resort to tipping my head upside down and fixing the result with straighteners?
9/ What’s that dodgy stain on the sitting room carpet? Is it my fault? How do I get it out? Will the landlord take it out of the deposit?
10/ Should I be more successful at this point in my career? Other people seem to be doing impossibly successful things. Do I need to be networking more, even though I hate networking? Is this the right career? What the hell else would I do? Should I take a pay cut to go and do something more worthwhile? But how would I pay my rent?
11/ The imperceptible-to-everyone-but-me new wrinkle I’ve just found under my eye. This is it, isn’t it? In a couple of years, I’m going to have a face like Gordon Ramsay.
12/ Does my parents’ retirement mean they’re going to keel over and die in the foreseeable? Because I’m not entirely sure I’d cope without them. And that’s not just needing to have Dad on the end of the phone to ask what I should do when the washing machine’s making that weird noise.
13/ Is my male colleague being paid more than I am? How do I find out? If I don’t fight for a pay rise now, am I dooming myself to being underpaid for the rest of my career?
14/ Why don’t I have arms like Michelle Obama? I’m in my 20s. This stuff should just come as part of the package, shouldn’t it? Also, what do I do now to guarantee I’ll look like Helen Mirren in 50 years? Also, if someone could just generally revamp my thighs, that’d be ace.
15/ Everyone lies to their doctor about the number of units they drink, right? And no one really knows what that number is anyway, surely?
16/ Am I irrevocably shortening my attention span by using the iPad while I’m watching telly?
17/ I’m never going to be the youngest ever winner of the Man Booker Prize. I should basically just admit now that I’m completely over the hill.
18/ Is everyone having more fun than I am? Is it okay that I’d rather be on the sofa with a bag of Giant Buttons and a glass of red wine than out at some glam club opening? Am I allowed to admit to it?
19/ I know I should be more grown up than to buy most of my clothes from H&M, but I just can’t bring myself to spend £150 on a jumper.
20/ Everyone else looks like they have their shit together. They’re faking, yes?